It’s Sunday and I wasn’t expecting any phone calls, so when the phone rang I was a bit surprised, an old friend was calling. We arranged to meet up for a coffee and catch up.
I knew he was divorced. How’s things, I said. Good, thanks he replied. It’s been few months since I started dating Emma. And he carry on telling me all these beautiful things about her.
Great, I said I am happy for you. Yeah but I am still not sure. I keep thinking and thinking. I want this to be my last relationship, he said.
So why he is overthinking? And is this a obsessive disorder?
No, not always. Let’s see why he is thinking over and over about this relationship.
1. Avoiding another mistake.
His divorce was painful. Now he met Emma he wants to make sure, she is the one. He knows she makes him feel very special. But that is not everything to him. He wants to know is these feelings are indeed love feelings. He can’t afford to make another mistake. At least that what he thinks.
2. Feeling vulnerable.
He is evaluating his relationship in very detail. Every date, every phone call, every text. He likes Emma very much, but he still is not sure to trust her.
By analyzing his relationship he feels more in control, secure and powerful. He thinks he is not ready yet to trust anyone with his heart.
3. Knowing what is the truth.
Only my friend knows what lays deep in his heart. He knows how he feels about his new girlfriend. By thinking and analyzing his relationship he is not being obsessive. He is only taking very little steps so this time he will avoid another heart break.
4. He is not overthinking.
He is thinking. There is a very important decision to make. Over all, adults are suppose to think when they have to take an important decision. Isn’t that right. He is using his brain to protect his heart.
They say overthinking create problems that weren’t even there. I would say not always.