Cognitive psychologists have gathered evidence that self deception is a basic feature of human mind. They say there are many advantages of deceiving yourself. Like appearing confident to outside world and earning favors from others. Or the death topic. If our mind don’t deceive that truth we wont be able to do anything with our lives, rather we be paralyzed from the emotional impact of fear of death.
A bit self-deception is good for you. But when it comes to subjects of adult life like career, money, relationships, sex, fooling yourself can have a great negative concequences.
In everyday life we face different challenges and sometimes that means we do have to make some hard choices. The result of these choices will be stress and anxiety. That’s why we are so tempteted to hide the truth from ourselves and avoid all the stress and anxiety..
But as Buddha says: few things can’t be hidden for too long, the sun, the moon and the truth.
Then when truth comes out can have devastating consequences.
1. Living a lie in a relationship.
Some people love getting married, having kids, creating their own family. Maybe most of us do when we think we met the right partner.
When we do and cracks start appearing in your relationships then what happens next depends widely from individuals.
I sat down the other day with an old friend from very young age. He took a sip of his coffee and told me his story.
I married my childhood sweetheart. You know I got excited. I thought that was love. The true love. We had two kids. Then I found a good job and I was providing for my family. Here I met this girl. There was an unspoken feeling between us. There was this fire burning. I never said anything to her, she never said anything to me. One night we bumped in each other and started kissing, then having sex. It become a regular thing. A passionate sex. I managed to convince myself it was only sex. One night I told her that was over, i told her I loved my wife. She looked into my eyes and said nothing. I stopped seeing her. But inside me a knew I was telling myself I lie. A big lie. I just could not face the truth. The truth was I didn’t love my wife. I loved this other girl. But I felt ashamed of myself. I stayed with my wife for another 3 years. Eventually I had to admit to myself and her. There was no love. That excitement had died. The truth came out. It was awful.
2. Living a lie in financial side.
Steve had a job that could live a normal life. Meaning he could pay his bills, have enough food, and sometimes (only sometimes) go out with his friends.
But he loved having a sports car. He loved spending money on expensive holidays. One day he went and got a big loan from his bank. His dream came true.
Luxerious car, holidays, woman and everything in between. But it didn’t last. He wake up when he spend the last penny and the bank was sending him red letters. The lie was over.
He had to work hard for nearly 2 years and live with basics to pay the money he owed. At least,he said, now the truth set me free.
3. Living a lie in career domain.
We are so tempted to get a job that pays well. That is understandable.
There was this wise guy with great abilities. He found a great job with a six figure salary. Soon after it he knew it wasn’t for him, it wasn’t his passion. It wasn’t what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. But he managed to tell himself a lie. This job is my destiny. I can buy any thing I want. I will be happy.
He wasted about 5 years in that job he didn’t love doing. In the end he told himself he was living a lie and he quit.
Stop telling lies to yourself the truth holds you back and never let you be a whole and happy. Living an authentic life is the best option to a happy life.
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