Being kind, helping one in need for help, being there for someone you care about it’s all good. Over all putting a smile in a loved ones face is a great feeling, undoubtly.
There is a line though. When you put other people’s needs ahead of yours, when you do anything (including neglecting yourself) to please others, when others become your priority, you cross that line and is safe to say you are a people-pleaser. It’s not for one day. It’s not one week thing. It never ends, for a life time.
Experts say pleasers behaviour from a habit of saying yes to everyone turns in to an addiction of a need to be needed. Even when they realize they gone to far still these people can’t stop. They worry to much to what other people going to think and say. How they going to view them as lazy and selfish. As you can see their self-worth depends on other people’s approval.
If you are one of them, and you want to stop, here are some tips that might help you get your life back in the track.
1. Notice you can change. It’s a choice.
The issue is that once others know you are people pleaser they will take advantage of you. They think you only say yes to everyone who ask you for a favor.
Of course there is a solution. You have a choice. You can say NO, if you want to put a stop on pleasing other people.
It’s crucial to realize not everyone likes you. That’s perfectly normal. You don’t like everyone either. Oh also don’t pay to much attention to what others think about you. You might be surprised but sometimes they are to busy getting on with their lives and not thinking about you at all.
2. No one is more important than yourself.
Do you stress that you are being to self centred. Good. We all have one life to live and taking care about yourself is not being selfish at all. Set your priorities then you know where to stop saying yes. You know what’s more important and what’s less important.
3. If one ask you for help, tell them you need to think about it.
When we commit on helping someone many times we find ourself thinking: what we got ourself into. So instead of saying yes straight way tell the person you need to think about it. Take time and think. Ask yourself questions like: how long that going to take? How stressful that might be? Do you need to get involved emotionally? Will you get upset? Do you need to give up something else for this commitment? Do you need any expertise to help this person and can you provide this expertise?
If the person need an answer right way then say no and take the time to think. You still have an option to help them after if you think you can.
4. Saying NO, might be hard, but it’s ok.
It’s hard to say no especially if you are used to say yes to everbody. But it’s important, to say no and stop people pleasing. And don’t feel guilty. Know that you saying no for a good reason. You need that time for yourself. You still can help someone if you want but in your own pace and time.
5. Don’t be manipulated.
If people know you are used to helping people out they will try and take advantage of your soft heart. Look out for people who falter you then try to manipulate you. One might say: “Oh I heard you’re great mecanic can you have a look at my car it makes a noise in motor.. I believe you can do the best job”. Don’t let anyone manipulate you and take advantage of your good nature.
6. Practise assertiveness.
Some people think being asertive is getting in people’s face. Using assertiveness actually is being respectful, listen to ones problem, making connections, putting yourself in others people’s situation and asserting yourself and saying no when you think you can’t do it.
Stop being a people pleaser.
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Photo credit PIXABAY